| Traveling the horse show circuit can be quite an | | | | in the class but her score was overlooked when |
| adventure, especially when you're traveling with | | | | the finalists were called. My daughter was sworn |
| your daughter. Below are 10 "school of hard | | | | to secrecy and could only tell us (her parents) and |
| knock" lessons we've learned along the way: Our | | | | her trainer that the judge made a mistake. Wow, |
| daughter showed on the A Circuit for 3 years at | | | | months of preparation go down the drain. The |
| shows that were mostly in the southeast. We live | | | | judge was honest and we appreciated that. We |
| 15 minutes from the Olympic Horse Park in | | | | did need this show for her college tape, so we |
| Atlanta, so we had many circuit show | | | | didn't call attention to the situation. However, no |
| opportunities at home. We also found our way to | | | | one offered to reimburse our money (I guess this |
| the Capital Challenge and National Horse Show in | | | | was much too high an expectation on my part). |
| Wellington for two of those years. | | | | We honored the judge's request, kept our mouth |
| Some of our more interesting experiences: | | | | shut, and moved on. |
| 1. RV fire in Gulfport: We had an electrical fire and | | | | Lesson: Judges make mistakes. We need to focus |
| totaled an RV three days into a two-week stint | | | | on the fact that we are riding for the best ride |
| at the Gulfport show. Instead of visiting the beach | | | | and not ribbons/trophies. |
| like we had planned, we instead went from motel | | | | Other lessons: |
| to motel and took whatever room they had until | | | | 5. Teamwork and partnership replace normal |
| we had to leave to accommodate their | | | | mother-teen daughter relationship at the shows. |
| reservations. We lived out of plastic bags filled | | | | We have developed a way of working together |
| with tack and clothes that smelled like smoke. | | | | that has laid a foundation for our adult relationship. |
| Despite this setback, my daughter was a | | | | We each had our roles and job description, and it |
| champion that weekend. We stayed focused on | | | | only worked successfully when we did our jobs. |
| our work and problem-solved the rest | | | | My role was her partner -- driving, grooming, |
| moment-by-moment. I think she became a pro at | | | | holding horses, and providing a safe horse and a |
| working under adverse conditions. | | | | solid trainer. |
| Lesson: Roll with the punches and move on. | | | | 6. Let the trainer and the daughter work as a |
| 2. Nationals 2003: Both the rider and horse did | | | | team. Parents need to stay out of the training, |
| very well, received many ribbons, and was named | | | | even if you showed as a kid and think you know |
| reserve champion for her division. There was an | | | | as much as the trainer. You are hiring a |
| awards ceremony, pictures, and a very excited | | | | professional, so let them do their job. If you feel |
| kid and trainer who had made it to a goal. Two | | | | you must speak with the trainer, have the |
| months later as we were reading the Chronicle of | | | | conversation in private away from the kids and |
| the Horse, we were amazed to see someone | | | | the ring. I developed the habit that once they left |
| else listed as the reserve champion for her | | | | the barn, I stayed a safe distance away in the |
| division. Does anyone inform us at the show or | | | | schooling area and at the ring. I never stood at |
| call to say there was a mistake in the | | | | the gate but on the side to give them their space |
| interpretation of the rules? Nope, we had to read | | | | to work, and I stayed out of the way. |
| it a magazine. When we called to find out what | | | | 7. You are not the customer. I finally realized that |
| happened, the response we received is that we | | | | I was not the real customer for the horse show |
| should "get a life", as it's not their responsibility to | | | | managers and secretaries. The real customer is |
| tell us they took away a reserve champion from | | | | the trainer, who is the person who picks the |
| the NHS. | | | | horse shows and classes, brings multiple horses |
| Lesson: Life is unfair and that adults do not | | | | and riders, and is someone with whom they feel |
| always act responsibly, rules are unimportant, and | | | | they more comfortable negotiating. |
| your connections and who you are is more | | | | Even though I may pay the bill, at the end of the |
| important than playing by the rules. | | | | day the show managers do not treat me like the |
| 3. Ambulance takes daughter out of the ring on a | | | | customer. This is the only situation I can think of |
| backboard: Yes, my daughter had the great fall. | | | | where I spend thousands of dollars and am not |
| She took a distance long at 3'6" and then crashed | | | | the real customer. Once I adopted this mindset, I |
| with both rider and horse going down. Her neck | | | | saw the picture of my place in the show world. |
| snapped and she was unconscious, but she came | | | | 8. Judging is political and can be unfair. There are |
| to thinking she is in the roundpen at home. She | | | | too many situations where the judges buy, sell, |
| had no memory of crash and we called the | | | | train or do business with other trainers. It is just |
| ambulance for a ride and afternoon at the hospital. | | | | the way it is in the show world. I do not see any |
| Thank goodness for helmets with back piece for | | | | way of fixing this -- it is just a fact that you have |
| the neck. She had a MRI and CAT scans and was | | | | to deal with that. Help your rider focus on the |
| fine, and she even walked out of hospital on pain | | | | best ride and the experience rather than the |
| medication and rode a flat glass the next day. | | | | politics of what trainer is at the ring, who knows |
| Amazingly enough, we never heard from the | | | | what judge, etc. |
| horse show office or the officials. We went to | | | | 9. Parents focus too much on winning and put |
| sign out and they wanted her ribbons and money | | | | pressure on the kids and the trainers to perform |
| back because she did not finish the division. We | | | | for the ribbons. I have watched parents stand at |
| then encountered a steward who lectured me on | | | | the gate yelling at kids during a class, recounting |
| division rules. I did not disagree with him, but was | | | | points with the gatekeeper, putting down judges, |
| simply stunned at office's response and | | | | and giving a tough time to their trainers. At |
| speechless at their tone. | | | | Nationals I remember one mom who yelled at a |
| Lesson: Do not send calm but shaky mother to | | | | kid during a flat class while only five feet from |
| check out an accident. There's a new rule needed | | | | the judge. Another mother publicly told her child |
| when kids fall off their horse and nearly kill | | | | that she would never show again if she couldn't |
| themselves. You need time, care, and practice to | | | | win. Kids and trainers are working with horses, not |
| come back from a bad accident. | | | | robots, and it takes a combined effort of the |
| 4. Major year-end EQ class: We leased a horse | | | | rider, horse and trainer for it all to work together. |
| and practiced for months to try to rebuild my | | | | We as parents really need to watch ourselves |
| daughter's riding confidence. We also took up EQ, | | | | and the impression and tension we create at |
| won medals classes and all was going well. The big | | | | shows. Our focus should be on the ride done to |
| EQ final class was down to the top five. My | | | | the best of our rider's ability that day. |
| daughter was not called back for top three. Her | | | | 10. Kids need to be held up to a standard of |
| ride was beautiful and she, along with her trainer | | | | sportsmanship. They may be individually |
| and others at the gate, were surprised that she | | | | competing against each other, but there is no |
| wasn't in the top three. We decided it would be | | | | excuse for rudeness, lack of common courtesy |
| helpful to get some feedback from the judge, as | | | | to the trainer, the horse, and other competitors |
| we assumed she must have made a major | | | | and parents. I have shared our golf cart with |
| mistake that no one saw. | | | | many crying mothers who just had a rude |
| We found the steward and got permission to | | | | exchange with a teen daughter. Maybe we do too |
| speak with judge when show was over. The | | | | much for them and make horse showing a right |
| judge took my daughter aside, looked at her | | | | instead of a privilege. I don't have the answer to |
| score sheet and told my daughter that she simply | | | | that, but we need to role model sportsmanship. |
| overlooked her despite the fact that she was top | | | | |